my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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