so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
