No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
there was a trapeze. enough said
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
