I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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