Sponge bath it is.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
