it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
