He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
