so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
