i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
