He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize