Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
