I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
