The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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