yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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