it was like his penis was on wheels.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
