ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
