I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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