I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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