Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize