i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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