he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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