We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
