At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
