I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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