**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
