Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
