So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
