So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
