We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
