I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
