So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
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It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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