Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
