I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize