we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
