you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
