she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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