never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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