Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
