new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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