I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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