youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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