apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
