): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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