Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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