Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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