Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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