Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
