am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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