There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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