so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
