If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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