So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
