she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
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