since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize