You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
