you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you will always have a special place in my vag
I think I have vodka in my lungs
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
3 2 1 whiskey
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
