btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
