so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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