dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize