I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
