Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Let's paint friendship bongs
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
