omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
