we have officially lost it.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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