Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
