even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
