we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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