Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
