i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.