Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
