after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
