the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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