i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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