So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
